I was at a networking event here in Maine when I was introduced to a prominent businessman who had clearly shaken thousands of hands over the course of his career. What I was not prepared for, however, was just how strong his handshake would be.
He took my hand and squeezed it so firmly that I actually felt pain shoot through my fingers. I smiled and carried on with the conversation, but later that evening, my hand was still aching. I ended up emailing him, gently suggesting that he might want to be a little more mindful, especially when shaking hands with women. He was gracious about it, but the experience got me thinking.
For something so simple, the handshake can communicate so much: Confidence. Warmth. Respect. Or, unfortunately, the opposite.
Habits to shake off
There is definitely a right way and a wrong way to shake hands. Let’s start with some of the “don’ts,” because we have all experienced them.
First, there is the awkward “half-hand” handshake. You know the one. Instead of meeting palm to palm, the person sort of folds your hand, with their fingers on one side and their palm on the other. It feels disconnected and, frankly, a little uncomfortable. It sends a subtle signal that the person may be unsure or disengaged.
Then there is the limp handshake. This is the one that leaves you wondering if the person is even present. A weak, flimsy grip can come across as a lack of confidence or interest. In a business setting, that is not the impression you want to leave. I try to cover up the look on my face when I’m saying to myself, “Anybody home?”
On the other end of the spectrum is the bone-crusher. As I experienced firsthand, an overly aggressive handshake can feel more like a test of strength than a greeting. It can be off-putting and even physically uncomfortable. A handshake should never leave someone in pain.
The right stuff
So what is the right approach?
A proper handshake starts with full contact. Your palm should meet the other person’s palm, with the web between your thumb and index finger connecting with theirs. This creates a sense of completeness and intention.
Next comes the grip. Aim for firm, but not forceful. A good rule of thumb is to match the other person’s level of pressure. This creates a natural rhythm and shows that you are attuned to the interaction.
Eye contact is just as important. Look the person in the eye, smile and offer a genuine greeting. The handshake is not just about the hands. It is about the connection you are making in that moment. A smile is one of the best ways to connect with another person, so smiling while shaking hands sets a positive tone for a great conversation.
And yes, we should talk about clammy hands. It happens. Nerves, warm rooms, or simply physiology can all play a role. The best advice here is to be prepared. Carry a handkerchief or discreetly dry your hand before you enter a room or approach someone.
If this is something you know you are likely to have, be prepared.
Authenticity wins
At the end of the day, a handshake is often your first physical point of contact with someone — and who knows where the relationship will go from there?
It is a small gesture, but it carries weight. When done well, it sets the tone for trust, professionalism and rapport. And when done poorly, it can create an impression that is hard to undo.
So the next time you extend your hand, take a moment to be intentional. Not too strong. Not too weak. Just right.
Because even in the age of AI, authentic connection matters.
