I still remember standing on the pool deck at Colby College, wondering whether I should even bother trying out for the swim team. I knew I was a strong swimmer, but I also knew I wasn’t the fastest. It would have been easy to tell myself, “I’m just not good enough.” Fortunately, I ignored that little voice.
Not only did I make the team, but my teammates and I spent 10 unforgettable days training at the International Swimming Hall of Fame in Fort Lauderdale.
Looking back at those college years, I realize I didn’t develop that confidence on my own. My parents encouraged me to try new things from an early age. They supported my love of the outdoors as well as teams and activities at school. They never suggested that anything was beyond my abilities, or that I shouldn’t try because I might not be the best.
Because they believed in me, I learned to believe in myself. They taught me that I didn’t have to be the best to deserve the opportunity to try, and that lesson has stayed with me throughout my life.
One of the most damaging phrases we can say to ourselves or others is, “I’m just not good at that.” Every time we repeat those words, we reinforce a belief that may not even be true. Instead, I tell myself that if others can do it, I probably can, too. That simple shift opens the door to possibility instead of closing it. The biggest obstacle to success is often not a lack of talent. It’s the story we tell ourselves about what we’re capable of.
Overcoming mental barriers
People don’t always need the world’s greatest expert. They need someone who encourages them, builds their confidence and believes they can succeed. Enthusiasm, preparation and a genuine desire to help others are often just as valuable as natural talent.
Business owners and leaders face these same mental barriers every day. I once worked with a client who constantly said, “I’m just not good with technology,” so they avoided social media altogether.
The problem wasn’t a lack of intelligence. It was a limiting belief. When you convince yourself you can’t learn something new, you miss opportunities to connect with customers, colleagues, family, and friends.
Every person who seems comfortable with technology today was once a beginner. You don’t have to become an expert overnight. You simply have to be willing to learn.
Many of our limiting beliefs didn’t originate with us. They were handed to us by someone else. That’s why our words matter so much when we’re speaking to children and grandchildren.
If we tell them, “Nobody in our family is athletic,” or “We’re just not math people,” they may accept those statements as facts. But if we encourage them to explore, learn and keep trying, we’re giving them something far more valuable than a specific skill. We’re giving them confidence that can last a lifetime.
Responsible leadership
As business leaders, we have the same responsibility. The words we use with our employees matter just as much as the words parents use with their children. When we encourage people to stretch beyond what they think they’re capable of, we often discover talents they didn’t know they had.
Some of the best employees I’ve hired weren’t the most experienced. They were simply curious, willing to learn, work hard and keep trying. While skills can be taught, confidence grows with experience.
We only get one life, and it goes by faster than we think. You’ll never know what you’re capable of unless you’re willing to try. Sometimes you’ll surprise yourself. Sometimes you’ll fall short. Either way, you’ll learn, you’ll grow, and you’ll never have to wonder, “What if?”
Don’t let limiting beliefs hold you back. Believe in yourself. More importantly, be careful not to pass those limiting beliefs on to your children, grandchildren, employees or anyone else who looks to you for encouragement. We all become a little stronger when someone believes in us before we fully believe in ourselves.
