A contributor from the Association for Consulting Expertise advises a reader on strategies for coping with arrogance in a manager.
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Q: My supervisor’s behavior is really arrogant. How can I deal with it?
ACE Advises: There really is no one effective way for coping with a superior whose behavior tends to be arrogant, bullying or both.
It is important not to take an arrogant boss’s put-downs personally because this kind of behavior is driven by the needs of the boss, not by your ability or level of competence. If you let these exchanges define your self-worth, it diminishes your ability to do good work.
People typically decide to express their frustration or to clam up and do nothing — neither of which is helpful. Attempting to change the boss’s behavior needs to begin with giving feedback — a message to the boss about how you see his behavior and the consequences it is having on you, other people and the work process itself.
The goal is to get a shared recognition that there is value in changing behavior. If the boss is receptive, it is an opening to suggest concrete actions that can be tried and evaluated together for effectiveness.
Basically, this means finding some new norms about how both of you can make the relationship more productive and satisfying. You are, in effect, modeling behavior that you expect: active listening to the other person, clear, descriptive and non-judgmental feedback and an agreement to work together to solve the problem.
Having a conscious and thoughtful process will open more positive avenues than knee-jerk reactions, no matter how satisfying it might be to tell your boss where to go.
Stephen Jenks is principal of Greyledge Consulting, coaching senior executives and development of high-level teambuilding. He can be reached at stephen@greyledgeconsulting.com.
