In the office, men and women communicate in different ways.
You’ve heard the stereotypes: Men vent about fantasy football or plan their next golf trip, while women gossip about an office romance or unpack the latest Bravo show. Stereotypes don’t always hold up, but there is some truth to them.
It is true that men often speak in “bro” language — “dudes” communicating informally, like in a locker room. There are also hand gestures that go along with the language, including fist bumps and hand slaps. It’s all foreign to me, but I find it amusing.
Like me, if you’re not comfortable talking like that, it’s not always easy to fit into the conversation. As a female business executive, I’m certainly not a bro-y communicator, although I have witnessed the “conversations,” if you call them that.
Here’s how to try.
Keep up with the times. Whether you’re a woman in leadership or a guy who just isn’t bro-y, it is important to be aware of the latest sports and pop culture trends. You might not watch football on Sundays, but retaining a general sense of awareness of what’s happening can only help at work. You can still read up on the best teams to be able to have a quick conversation, just like you can watch one episode of a TV show that is popular among men.
Listen first. If you’re trying to communicate better, the first step is to listen to those around you. Study their mannerisms. Learn their tics — positive or negative. It’s almost like a first date: You don’t just talk; you listen to the other person and speak accordingly. Especially when you’re not comfortable with bro language, it is important to pick up on the latest slang. At least know the buzzwords, even if you don’t like them.
Show you care. Listening and caring means getting beneath the surface. There are more to bros and dudes than how they talk. Figure out their hobbies and interests. Get to know them on a more human level. You can use the slang and repeat the buzzwords, but you’re better off focusing on common ground. Again, referencing sports or pop culture is a fun place to start. If they’re a football fan, bring up a recent game. Ask about a star player’s latest performance. In Maine, you can’t go wrong bringing up the Patriots.
Crack a joke. If a bro uses ridiculous slang or a weird buzzword, they probably don’t take themselves too seriously. You can ingratiate yourself by poking quick fun at the dude language — respectfully, of course. Use the word or phrase with a bit of good-hearted sarcasm. If the joke is delivered well, chances are: The bro will appreciate it. Even if you don’t use the word seriously, it shows that you hear them as a human being.
Be authentic. In the end, if you’re not comfortable being a bro, don’t try. Be yourself. You don’t have to speak in a certain way just because those around of you prefer it. The most important consideration — in the office and everywhere else — is to treat people with respect and communicate in good faith. Even if you don’t use “bro” or “dude,” you can still get along with bros and dudes. Work shouldn’t be like a middle-school clique.
Over the decades, I have grown comfortable speaking with a wide range of people: young, old, professional women, girly-girls, manly men and many others. And they are mostly comfortable with me, because they know what to expect. They trust me to be respectful and helpful, fun-loving, genuinely caring about what they have to say and trying to listen as much as possible. If they have a problem, I try to solve it. I also love connecting people with others who can help solve problems.
Golden Rule
Don’t get carried away by linguistics. Whether it’s a family member, friend or work colleague, the end goal is the same: Try to connect on a personal level. Treat others like you want to be treated.
Throw in the occasional “dude” or “bro” if you like, but that is just surface-level. Bros and dudes deserve respect like anyone else. Stick to the Golden Rule, and you won’t go wrong. Whether it’s full of men or women, your office will be better off for it.
