We are high school friends, and we have grown into different people as adults. Or perhaps we’ve simply grown into who we were, even then.
Ann is introverted, and Nancy is about as extroverted as anyone can be. Ann has to get herself revved up to go to a networking event, whereas Nancy can’t get enough of meet-and-greet meetings. We’ve put our heads together to compile some networking best practices for both personality types.
Being an introvert isn’t an excuse for being rude. It simply means that a person gets their energy from being alone or in a small group. Ann spent much of her career interfacing with highly successful people and attended (and organized) many conferences. It doesn’t mean that she can’t do it, but she needs a boost (it’s my job!) and a plan. Here are some elements of Ann’s plan.
Have a list. Who do you want to see? What do you want to ask them? Be ready. You can even have some questions ready. And don’t be shy about taking a minute to check or revise your list, especially before a meal where you have a lot of time on your hands. Be aware of industry trends and issues.
Know that everyone loves to talk about themselves. At an event, read nametags and get people talking about their worlds. “How did you get to Company X?” “What do you like about your job?” “What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing?” Lest you think this is corny, think about the last time someone asked about your job with real interest. People generally reply with warmth and sincerity. If they don’t want to talk about their job, ask about their weekend plans.
Find the presenters or be one. For introverts, it’s great to present because you get to talk about your area of expertise and then others will ask you more questions afterward. Conversation accomplished! If you didn’t manage to get a speaking slot, find a presenter and ask how they got involved in the topic, where they see it going, what event they’ll attend later, and how their findings apply to your company.
You note that little of this plan involves talking about yourself. For introverts, that’s gold: I would much rather learn from you than put myself out there. I know myself; you’re new.
If you’re like Nancy, sometimes you need to tone yourself down a bit before you go to an event. The purpose of the event is to make meaningful connections with others, not to share everything about your entire life. Nancy’s brothers used to tell her to be a “bit more mysterious,” because from a young age Nancy was an open book.
Focus on others
Networking as an extrovert comes naturally, but the key to doing it well is not just riding the energy wave. Resist the urge to lead every conversation with your own story. Instead, focus on the person in front of you. Ask them thoughtful questions, and then truly listen. If you catch yourself formulating your next thought while they’re speaking, pause and redirect your attention to them.
When they share something important, repeat a key detail later on. This shows you care, and it helps cement your connection. Use their name during the conversation. It’s a simple gesture, but it makes people feel recognized. For example, “That’s a great point, Sarah.” It keeps the conversation personal and grounded.
Reading the room
Finally, be aware of your own energy. While your enthusiasm is a strength, there are moments when you need to “take a beat.” That means consciously slowing down, letting pauses happen and reading the room.
You don’t need to fill every gap. Sometimes stepping back a little creates space for deeper, more memorable exchanges. By balancing your natural enthusiasm with genuine curiosity and patience, you’ll leave a lasting, positive impression.
Practice makes perfect
The next time you see either Ann or Nancy at a networking event, remember to ask Ann some questions about her background in business, and remind Nancy to “tone it down.”