Investing in relationships takes time, so don’t expect immediate results
Courtesy / Marshall Communications
Ann Leamon, left, and Nancy Marshall
In the fast-paced business world, it can be tempting to focus solely on making quick transactions and closing deals as efficiently as possible.
For example, how often has a new connection on LinkedIn immediately approached you with a great investment opportunity? A chance to buy something? You’re momentarily connected, but hardly have a relationship.
Healthy relationships take time to develop, time that research has shown is well spent. The investment in building these relationships is essential for both personal happiness and long-term business success. Strong relationships can extend your life significantly, according to a Harvard study.
Major recent findings on the importance of relationships come from professor Robin Dunbar, a British anthropologist and evolutionary psychologist who came up with “Dunbar’s number," the count of stable relationships a person can maintain. He puts the figure at 150.
While that may seem large, Dunbar is only talking about connections, rather than close friendships. His book, "Friends: Understanding the Power of Our Most Important Relationships" (Little, Brown & Co.), is a fascinating exploration of his research on this topic as either a read or an Audible listen.
According to Dunbar, strong relationships are built over time through regular interactions and shared experiences. This means that you cannot simply ask for something right away from a business contact without first investing in building the relationship. Trust and rapport must be established before any meaningful exchange can take place.
The authors of this column met in their senior year of high school and kept in touch through Facebook. Recently, we have rekindled our friendship, and it has been so great to learn and talk about what we’ve been up to all these years.
The concept of reciprocity in friendship is often overlooked, according to Nel Noddings' book, "Caring: A Relational Approach to Ethics and Moral Education" (University of California Press). Simply put, the one caring must eventually feel that the cared-for reciprocates or the former becomes drained.
Ann discovered the power of reciprocity when she scheduled a meeting with her mentor to celebrate his birthday. A successful venture capitalist, her mentor loved gifts and, obviously, was very hard to buy for. Bearing homemade pickles and a silly card, she came down to his Boston office. He was caught in traffic and made a frantic call to her, saying, “I know I’ll be late, but tell me the problem and we can start fixing it now.”
“There’s no problem,” she said. “I don’t need anything from you. I just wanted to catch up and wish you a happy birthday.”
“No one has ever done that,” he replied. “Everyone always needs something.” They had a happy, if belated, meeting and he enjoyed his pickles.
Later, she told this story to her executive coach who knew the mentor. This gentleman, who made his living in relationships, was quiet for a moment, then said, “You’ve reminded me that I need to just say hello to some people.”
Two-way street
It’s easy to forget to keep the relationship going both ways. In the business world, this relationship building concept is particularly relevant. Solid relationships with clients, colleagues and partners is essential for success. Without trust and mutual respect, few significant business deals or collaborations will occur.
The progression from knowing someone to liking them and ultimately trusting them takes some time and patience, but it’s critically important.
One of the key reasons why relationships take time to develop is the need for repeated interactions. Dunbar's research has shown that regular face-to-face interactions are crucial for building strong connections. Simply sending an email or making a phone call is not enough to establish a meaningful relationship, although it can sustain one. Instead, investing time and effort in meeting with others in person and engaging in shared activities is important. It’s only through face-to-face interaction that you can truly get to know a person.
In the same way, in these face-to-face meetings, we can engage emotionally, which Dunbar's research has shown to be critical for forming solid relationships. Simply exchanging information or completing transactions is not enough to build a meaningful connection. Instead, it is important to show empathy, understanding and support for others to establish a lasting relationship.
In the business world, this means taking the time to listen to others, understand their needs and concerns, and show that you value their opinions and perspectives. Demonstrating empathy and emotional engagement can build trust and rapport with others and establish a strong foundation for future collaboration.
Building relationships in business is not always easy. It requires time, effort, and patience. However, the rewards of investing in relationships are well worth the effort. Strong connections can lead to increased trust, loyalty, and collaboration, ultimately resulting in greater success and satisfaction in your business endeavors.
Dunbar's research has shown that solid connections take time to develop. In the business world, this means that you cannot simply ask for something immediately upon making a business contact without first investing in the relationship. Building strong relationships requires regular interactions, emotional engagement, reciprocity, and mutual respect.
By investing in relationships, you can establish trust and rapport with others and set the stage for long-term success in your business ventures.
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