Listen up | What a surly employee can teach managers about better communication
“Advice Squad” is written by members of the Maine chapter of the Association for Consulting Expertise, a trade organization of 88 consultants around the state. This issue’s column is written by Jim Milliken, a Portland-based consultant who specializes in project management, communication skills and organizational process improvement.
Everybody talks about communication, and everybody does something about it — but frequently not very well.
This is a crucial matter for project managers, because the essence of the job is to get diverse people you don’t know well to commit personally to doing stuff they’re not certain of, and to trust other people in unfamiliar situations. There are too many complexities and relationships for a project manager to personally supervise each moment of each one.
The manager, who by definition doesn’t do all the work him or herself, is in the convincing business. Those delegated to do the work must agree, understand, commit, follow through and collaborate. That is accomplished by persuasion, negotiation, delegation, explanation and all the other “tion” words. Management is continuous use of appropriate means of communication.
This is universally true in organizations, but especially true in projects. A project is temporary and time-pressured. It is staffed by a team drawn from various parts of an organization and often some from outside the organization. It involves a significant measure of innovation, risk and uncertainty. For all those reasons, the project manager must understand communication and take the time to learn it well and practice it consistently.
Honing your skills
So, this may seem to be a Mickey Mouse question, but here it is: What is communication and how does it work? Take a moment to scribble a quick, one-sentence definition, then read on.
Let’s start with this: One of your team members generally responds to questions and suggestions with surly silence. Is this person communicating, and if so, how well? Before answering, let’s explore the context.
In personal communication, Albert Mehrabian’s famous study, “Silent Messages,” tells us that the meaning of words and vocal values such as volume and expression can be trumped by body language. More than half of the effective outcomes of the conversations Mehrabian studied were determined by how the participants read each other’s behavior.
While a person is talking, we’re evaluating clues, often unconsciously, that cause us to draw conclusions about the meaning and about the very person, not infrequently in contradiction to the person’s purpose and intent. We may detect insincerity and not be sure why.
How vital this is for a project manager. You’re busy as can be, heavily dependent upon all kinds of people and positioned as the responsible party for all kinds of expectations that you rarely control. As a communicator, the project manager must be able to articulate effectively, understand clearly and accurately, and respond in the right way to the real messages. How do you do all that?
For starters, recognize this: All of the above tells us that the most important body part in good communication is not the ears — it’s the brain. Make yourself conscious of how you’re reading that all-important body language and train yourself to ask validating or clarifying questions before allowing yourself to draw conclusions.
Let’s dismiss the myth that listening is a passive, involuntary process. Listening actually is a linked chain of events, the latter of which are fully up to you.
First, there is physical movement of the eardrum caused by the vibrations moving through the air from the other person’s vocal cords. This is hearing — not up to you. Then the ear converts the vibrations into electro-chemical signals that go to the brain. Involuntary — not up to you either. The brain then says, “What’s this? Have I ever heard this or anything like it before?” If you stay out of this process, your subconscious takes responsibility for supplying the answer. Your memory may associate some really bad experience with this sound and you might instantly dislike this new person who just spoke.
But while this started as an automatic behavior, the conscious brain can intervene, if you’ve trained it to do so. “I need more information before I decide whether I like this or not,” it might say. That’s when speech joins in, and you start asking questions and listening carefully with your brain fully engaged. Now you’re an active listener, and a good communicator. Develop this skill set by paying attention to your conversations and patiently working to manage your own behavior, internal and external.
So, about our surly, silent teammate. Is he/she communicating? You bet, and quite well. The person is making super clear to everyone a strongly held intention not to engage, not to cooperate. Suffice it to say that you have here a lousy teammate engaged in a very effective act of communication.
Jim Milliken can be reached through his website, www.MillikenProject.com. Read more Advice Squad here.
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