May 24, 2004
Writer, edit thyself | Want your press releases (and other documents) to be clear? Learn to think like an editor
By Skip King
I once had a heated argument with an editor who thought that Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, long-praised for its eloquent brevity, was overrated.
"How can you say that?" I asked.
"'Four score and seven years ago'?" he snorted. "Effective communications get straight to the point. If he'd started out with '87 years ago,' he might've had something there."
I doubt the speech would have been as memorable with this alternative lead, but the fact is that there isn't a writer out there whose work can't be improved by a skilled editor. Most of us don't have that resource, so we have to edit ourselves. It's the hardest part of the writing process, but the most necessary ˆ particularly when you're trying to sell a story to a journalist by means of a press release.
Why learn to self-edit?
For starters, credible organizations convey a thoroughly professional image in thought, word and deed. Journalists ˆ the gatekeepers of public information ˆ know this. Convince them that you're the real deal, and you stand a good chance of getting their attention.
For journalists, good grammar is both primary meal ticket and second nature. So if your documents appear sloppy or careless to these highly critical individuals, you'll undermine your credibility. And if you do that, you're less likely to have a journalist take you seriously.
If you have time, you can hire someone to edit (or re-write) for you. In the case of a long-planned product announcement, for example, that may be an option. But remember: Press releases contain news ˆ theoretically, anyway ˆ and most news is time-sensitive.
As a result, learning how to edit your own work is a key to creating effective releases that catch the attention of busy reporters. A simple process can help a lot. It takes a little time, and a check on your ego, but it does work.
1. Get away
Once your first draft is complete, allow yourself a few moments away from your work. Get a cup of coffee, take a quick bike ride or a walk, or go catch up with your compadres. It's human nature to be proud of your own work, especially if you've sweated over it. You won't be able to assess it objectively if you're convinced of your own brilliance.
2. Make a hard copy
Come back to your work and print it out. For most people, it's a lot easier to spot errors on a hard copy than it is to edit on a screen. You'll see your work a lot more clearly if you're holding it in your hand.
3. Prioritize
Go through your work and identify the most important points of your story. Sometimes it helps to number each paragraph in order of value. What's the real news? What's the single point that's most relevant to the local community?
Remember, most journalists only read the headline, subhead and maybe the lead paragraph of a press release ˆ so if the good stuff isn't up front, they won't see it. Make the appropriate changes by re-stacking the paragraphs. Print out the revision and discard your first draft.
4. Quote check
Now, look at your quotations. Do they actually move the story ahead, or are they just there so that someone is quoted? Do they perform an active role in explaining the story, or do they simply react to it? (See "Don't quote me," April 26.)
If the latter, you need better quotes. One technique that's useful in creating them is to take an explanatory sentence or paragraph from the release and turn that into a quote. Print it out.
5. Think active
Okay, grammar time. First, look for passive verbs ˆ compound verbs involving a form of "to be." They have their place, but you can usually change them to a more active form.
This means rewriting the sentence ˆ or even the paragraph ˆ in which the passive verb occurs.
Here's an example: "Williams was hounded by the press during his run for election." In a passive sentence, the subject of the sentence ˆ Williams, in this case ˆ is acted upon ˆ in this sentence, by the press. Was hounded is a passive verb, because the press did the hounding, and Williams was the recipient of the action.
Passive voice makes the subject seem weak and powerless ˆ in a word, passive. This would-be politician sounds like a target ˆ either that or a whiner, complaining about the fact that others were hounding him. How very sad.
It's much better for a company ˆ or a politician, for that matter ˆ to be active. As in: "The press hounded Williams about finances during his run for election, but he silenced them with total disclosure of the campaign's resources." A much more active and satisfying state of affairs ˆ for Williams, anyway.
Identifying passive sentences is, admittedly, rather technical. So how do you pick up on them? First, decide who or what the main subject is, then built your sentences and paragraphs around that subject. And watch out for those compound verbs.
Still confused? Then cheat. Your computer's grammar checker can flag passive sentences. You'll probably need to turn on the function in your Tools-Options-Spelling & Grammar settings, but once you do, the results will amaze you.
Tighter, simpler, more active text helps make your story more compelling and your news more attractive to a reporter. Kill those passive sentences, then print it again.
6. Hunting for modifiers
It's time to go modifier hunting. Modifiers are adjectives (which add description to nouns) and adverbs (which add description to verbs). In the sentence "The old dog walked slowly towards the mailman," old is an adjective, in that it describes the dog, and slowly is an adverb, because it describes the how the action, or verb, took place.
Go through your release and highlight every modifier. Look at each one separately. Is it necessary? Does it move your story ahead? If not, lose it. Be especially suspicious of modifiers in quotations.
One of the clues to a "non-story" press release is the presence of lots of modifiers. They tell the reader one of two things: You're covering up the lack of real information with a lot of fluff, or you're puffing up what news there is to make it look better. Reporters will see right through it.
Unnecessary modifiers gone? Good. Print it. Just three more steps to go.
7. Chop shop
Look at your paragraph length. Stories written in Associated Press style ˆ the gold standard for press releases ˆ typically contain one- or two-sentence paragraphs.
Look at a daily newspaper. Three-sentence paragraphs are rare; four-sentence paragraphs even more so. If your paragraphs are longer, consider splitting them ˆ or, better yet, stripping each one down to its essence.
8. Spell check
Next, run your computer's Spell Check and Grammar Check functions. Don't laugh ˆ companies commonly put out releases with serious typos and spelling errors in them. Spell checkers are very helpful in catching these.
However, spell checkers aren't infallible. They won't catch the error if the misspelled word is also the correct spelling of another word. And it's not just companies that make this mistake. I still chuckle over an honest-to-God AP headline I saw once: "City Council Seeks Pubic Input." Insert your own joke here.
Grammar checkers can seem like a nuisance, but they identify passive verbs you missed (shoot for fewer than 5% passive verbs in any press release), pick up homonyms or misused words and identify run-on sentences.
They can also pick up other errors ˆ for example, flagging "it's" when you should have written "its."
Finally ˆ and this is very important ˆ they calculate reading ease. Daily newspaper reporters typically write to a 9th or 10th grade reading level. If the level in your document is higher, try to shorten sentences, eliminate big words and simplify paragraphs. It improves readability.
Fringe benefit: The more closely your style matches that used by the majority of daily news journalists ˆ straight, sweet and to-the-point ˆ the more likely your release will be used verbatim. And that's an advantage, because it means the public will get your message exactly as you want it presented.
9. Get outside help
Last step: Have the release proofread by someone who had nothing to do with the creation of the release. Pick someone with a good, practical awareness of grammar. You might have a good proofreader in your department, but you might also have some surprising resources elsewhere. One of the best proofreaders I ever found had nothing to do with communications. She worked in a ski shop.
Go through these steps, and your press release will be tighter, shorter and more attractive to reporters. And that means your story is more likely to become news.
(For the record, this article was written to a seventh grade reading level, has an average of 2.6 sentences per paragraph and contains 1% passive verbs, according to Microsoft's Spell and Grammar Check functions).
"How can you say that?" I asked.
"'Four score and seven years ago'?" he snorted. "Effective communications get straight to the point. If he'd started out with '87 years ago,' he might've had something there."
I doubt the speech would have been as memorable with this alternative lead, but the fact is that there isn't a writer out there whose work can't be improved by a skilled editor. Most of us don't have that resource, so we have to edit ourselves. It's the hardest part of the writing process, but the most necessary ˆ particularly when you're trying to sell a story to a journalist by means of a press release.
Why learn to self-edit?
For starters, credible organizations convey a thoroughly professional image in thought, word and deed. Journalists ˆ the gatekeepers of public information ˆ know this. Convince them that you're the real deal, and you stand a good chance of getting their attention.
For journalists, good grammar is both primary meal ticket and second nature. So if your documents appear sloppy or careless to these highly critical individuals, you'll undermine your credibility. And if you do that, you're less likely to have a journalist take you seriously.
If you have time, you can hire someone to edit (or re-write) for you. In the case of a long-planned product announcement, for example, that may be an option. But remember: Press releases contain news ˆ theoretically, anyway ˆ and most news is time-sensitive.
As a result, learning how to edit your own work is a key to creating effective releases that catch the attention of busy reporters. A simple process can help a lot. It takes a little time, and a check on your ego, but it does work.
1. Get away
Once your first draft is complete, allow yourself a few moments away from your work. Get a cup of coffee, take a quick bike ride or a walk, or go catch up with your compadres. It's human nature to be proud of your own work, especially if you've sweated over it. You won't be able to assess it objectively if you're convinced of your own brilliance.
2. Make a hard copy
Come back to your work and print it out. For most people, it's a lot easier to spot errors on a hard copy than it is to edit on a screen. You'll see your work a lot more clearly if you're holding it in your hand.
3. Prioritize
Go through your work and identify the most important points of your story. Sometimes it helps to number each paragraph in order of value. What's the real news? What's the single point that's most relevant to the local community?
Remember, most journalists only read the headline, subhead and maybe the lead paragraph of a press release ˆ so if the good stuff isn't up front, they won't see it. Make the appropriate changes by re-stacking the paragraphs. Print out the revision and discard your first draft.
4. Quote check
Now, look at your quotations. Do they actually move the story ahead, or are they just there so that someone is quoted? Do they perform an active role in explaining the story, or do they simply react to it? (See "Don't quote me," April 26.)
If the latter, you need better quotes. One technique that's useful in creating them is to take an explanatory sentence or paragraph from the release and turn that into a quote. Print it out.
5. Think active
Okay, grammar time. First, look for passive verbs ˆ compound verbs involving a form of "to be." They have their place, but you can usually change them to a more active form.
This means rewriting the sentence ˆ or even the paragraph ˆ in which the passive verb occurs.
Here's an example: "Williams was hounded by the press during his run for election." In a passive sentence, the subject of the sentence ˆ Williams, in this case ˆ is acted upon ˆ in this sentence, by the press. Was hounded is a passive verb, because the press did the hounding, and Williams was the recipient of the action.
Passive voice makes the subject seem weak and powerless ˆ in a word, passive. This would-be politician sounds like a target ˆ either that or a whiner, complaining about the fact that others were hounding him. How very sad.
It's much better for a company ˆ or a politician, for that matter ˆ to be active. As in: "The press hounded Williams about finances during his run for election, but he silenced them with total disclosure of the campaign's resources." A much more active and satisfying state of affairs ˆ for Williams, anyway.
Identifying passive sentences is, admittedly, rather technical. So how do you pick up on them? First, decide who or what the main subject is, then built your sentences and paragraphs around that subject. And watch out for those compound verbs.
Still confused? Then cheat. Your computer's grammar checker can flag passive sentences. You'll probably need to turn on the function in your Tools-Options-Spelling & Grammar settings, but once you do, the results will amaze you.
Tighter, simpler, more active text helps make your story more compelling and your news more attractive to a reporter. Kill those passive sentences, then print it again.
6. Hunting for modifiers
It's time to go modifier hunting. Modifiers are adjectives (which add description to nouns) and adverbs (which add description to verbs). In the sentence "The old dog walked slowly towards the mailman," old is an adjective, in that it describes the dog, and slowly is an adverb, because it describes the how the action, or verb, took place.
Go through your release and highlight every modifier. Look at each one separately. Is it necessary? Does it move your story ahead? If not, lose it. Be especially suspicious of modifiers in quotations.
One of the clues to a "non-story" press release is the presence of lots of modifiers. They tell the reader one of two things: You're covering up the lack of real information with a lot of fluff, or you're puffing up what news there is to make it look better. Reporters will see right through it.
Unnecessary modifiers gone? Good. Print it. Just three more steps to go.
7. Chop shop
Look at your paragraph length. Stories written in Associated Press style ˆ the gold standard for press releases ˆ typically contain one- or two-sentence paragraphs.
Look at a daily newspaper. Three-sentence paragraphs are rare; four-sentence paragraphs even more so. If your paragraphs are longer, consider splitting them ˆ or, better yet, stripping each one down to its essence.
8. Spell check
Next, run your computer's Spell Check and Grammar Check functions. Don't laugh ˆ companies commonly put out releases with serious typos and spelling errors in them. Spell checkers are very helpful in catching these.
However, spell checkers aren't infallible. They won't catch the error if the misspelled word is also the correct spelling of another word. And it's not just companies that make this mistake. I still chuckle over an honest-to-God AP headline I saw once: "City Council Seeks Pubic Input." Insert your own joke here.
Grammar checkers can seem like a nuisance, but they identify passive verbs you missed (shoot for fewer than 5% passive verbs in any press release), pick up homonyms or misused words and identify run-on sentences.
They can also pick up other errors ˆ for example, flagging "it's" when you should have written "its."
Finally ˆ and this is very important ˆ they calculate reading ease. Daily newspaper reporters typically write to a 9th or 10th grade reading level. If the level in your document is higher, try to shorten sentences, eliminate big words and simplify paragraphs. It improves readability.
Fringe benefit: The more closely your style matches that used by the majority of daily news journalists ˆ straight, sweet and to-the-point ˆ the more likely your release will be used verbatim. And that's an advantage, because it means the public will get your message exactly as you want it presented.
9. Get outside help
Last step: Have the release proofread by someone who had nothing to do with the creation of the release. Pick someone with a good, practical awareness of grammar. You might have a good proofreader in your department, but you might also have some surprising resources elsewhere. One of the best proofreaders I ever found had nothing to do with communications. She worked in a ski shop.
Go through these steps, and your press release will be tighter, shorter and more attractive to reporters. And that means your story is more likely to become news.
(For the record, this article was written to a seventh grade reading level, has an average of 2.6 sentences per paragraph and contains 1% passive verbs, according to Microsoft's Spell and Grammar Check functions).
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